Christmas Miracles

Christmas has always been my favourite time of the year. It’s a time of magic; a time to be spent with family and friends; a time of joy, of togetherness, and of gratitude. It’s a time where we all come together to celebrate the life we are given and the blessings we are given. The twinkling lights lining the edge of the snow dusted roof tops; the Christmas trees covered in shining ornaments and sparkling tinsel lighting up the windows of the houses we pass by; the festive decorations lined up along the mantle and hung up on the walls; the smell of cookies baking and turkeys roasting; they all set the scene for a picture-perfect holiday.

Leading up to this Christmas, I had mixed feelings. I wasn’t confident it would be a very magical holiday. I expected that it would be a better Christmas than last year when I spent it in the hospital but, after losing my beloved dog, Teddy, my family’s spirits were all a bit dampened. Our house feels lonely without the sound of four little paws running around and it would be our first Christmas without the joy of a dog around.


Shortly after that big loss, I had no choice but to end my doctor-hiatus which contributed to my mixed feelings. Though TPN has changed my life for the better, I wasn’t guaranteed I would continue to receive it after autumn was over so, when I got the call with an appointment to see the doctor who would be taking care of the management of my TPN in early December, I was feeling extra stressed about things. I had a lot of things on my mind from Teddy’s death, to the feeling of impending doom prior to my appointments, to the my joint pain increasing and then catching a viral illness on top of that all; needless to say that, despite looking forward to the holidays, I just wasn’t feeling the “magic” of the season.

As the weeks passed leading up to December, I worked away crocheting and knitting to finish my Christmas gifts. I’d do anything to distract from the grief of my loss and the nerves of my upcoming appointments. The days passed quickly and, eventually, it was time to face my fears and jump back into the medical world. As nervous as I was feeling sitting in that waiting room, I tried my best to go in with a positive attitude. However, I was prepared in case I would need to advocate strongly for myself because I really wasn’t sure how things would go.

This year, despite by doubts earlier in the season, I did get a Christmas miracle. My doctor decided to continue TPN as long as needed. That was the best gift I could ask for. When making up my Christmas list, I had a hard time thinking of material things I wanted or needed. I love finding the perfect gift for others. There’s nothing more special than finding something that you know your friend will love, wrapping it up in pretty paper, and then watching their reaction as they unwrap it. It’s one of the most delightful feelings. However, I was more than happy to receive this gift! As much as TPN scares me, so does this alternative so I was pleased.

Over the last few months, it has sometimes felt as though the whole world was against me, like I have eternal bad luck that will never be resolved, like I was cursed. Getting this piece of good news was exactly what I needed. I feel lighter and happier, the stress of the unknown no longer weighing me down. I was living my life on hold, never knowing whether I would have the treatment I need in the future to keep living my life to the best capacity. Now, I feel like I have a life ahead of me. I can make plans without fear of not having the nutrition I need to complete it.

Christmas miracles don’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be something huge like winning the lottery or getting an expensive gift under the tree. It doesn’t have to be meeting your one true love or connecting with your long lost family. It doesn’t have to be a miracle worthy of a Hallmark Christmas movie or a much-wished cure to an illness. Sometimes it can be the little things that bring immense joy. For me, this year, it is being able to spend Christmas at home with my family without the weight of the unknown sitting on my shoulders. It is being blessed with the gift of modern medicine allowing me to have some quality of life. It is watching a Christmas movie on TV with our tree glowing, gently lighting up the room, enjoying the moment without fear of the immediate future.

When in doubt, when it seems like the world is against you, look for your miracle, don’t just sit passively and wait for it to happen. It’s up to you to look for it and it’s up to you to find it. Just because there are negative things happening in your life, doesn’t mean that miracles can’t happen. Keep your heart open, have a giving spirit, and your eyes open, searching for the positive. You will find a miracle in your Christmas too if you choose to find it. I know it.


5 thoughts on “Christmas Miracles

  1. Hazel Gaudet says:

    Kathleen such a wonderful written message to all of us. Yes u sure have struggled but as I always say you keep that beautiful smile on your face no matter how your hurting.
    And we stick a pin in our finger and think we r going to die, so many can learn from your message even if it’s just one little thing. Many don’t know what sickness is about but we all learn as our life moves forward.
    I just lost my husband of 54 yrs together and my heart is so broke and I’m so lonely, but guess I,have to open my heart to things for the future I.m 79 on Saturday so likely my days will be numbered and I will join my soul mate.

    So you have a wonderful Christmas I was in Pier 1 today and thought of you as we were there at the same time. So much beautiful things in there just to look at, but sure hard for wheelchairs to get around. So take care your always in my prayers and your nanny Betty and I chat on Facebook

    God Bless. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Love ya


  2. Allison Homer says:

    You sure have a wonderful way with words AND……making us all realize just exactly what is important. With all your manage to see the silver lining. Thank you for all that. You truly are an inspiration to all of us! I am so sorry about Teddy….it is heartbreaking! 💔 Hope you have a very merry Christmas with all your lived ones dear!


  3. Tammy & Hannah says:

    Hi Kathleen happy to hear your Dr has approved your TPN. Modern medicine is something to celebrate and be thankful for. Hannah is doing well- we recently spent 2 weeks in the hospital. Hannah had cellulitus in her knee and with her weakened immune system they wouldn’t let her go until it was completely cleared, So we got out Dec 20th just in time for Christmas. We think of you often and enjoy reading your blog. We were so sorry to hear about Teddy. He was a beautiful dog and companion. Hope to see you in the new year. Hopefully you and Hannah will stay out of the hospital in 2018 lol. ❤ The Gallant’s


  4. Joan Shillington says:

    Hello Kathleen. You always speak from the heart and we all appreciate your message. You have a positive effect on so many people and that is your gift to us. Thank you💕, Joan and Jim


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