On being a Viking

My sleep has kinda been a mess over the past week. I switched to a new food which is no big deal to normal humans that have normally functioning stomachs, but for us with feeding tubes, it’s a big enough deal to throw you off for a couple days (or a whole week). Anywho, because of the crazy nausea and dreaded “no flow out” alarm on my pump beeping throughout the night, I haven’t really been sleeping.

To make matters even worse, my gastroenterologist decided to call at 8:07 am the other day. After questioning myself on who would call that ridiculously early in the morning, I realized she must be a robot. Seriously. Who’s in the office that early in the morning?! Because of my lack of sleep during the night and inability to fall back asleep after that long awaited wake up call, you could say I was a bit overtired.

Despite being awake already for a few hours, I didn’t get my lazy self out of bed until lunch time. I texted my dad to let him know I was up. He works from home so he came and ate his lunch with me. I was slightly hyper and pretty silly so our conversation consisted of us trying to figure out how robots can have babies, reading memes of George & Martha Washington and their ghost children, and laughing for absolutely no reason.

Somehow in that conversation, I ended up on the website Duolingo. For those of you who don’t know what Duolingo is, it’s a free language learning website that’s pretty cool. We were looking at the different languages you could learn and I saw Norwegian was on the list. We had just finished listening to a song from a super talented young Norwegian singer so I figured it was meant to be: I was going to learn Norwegian!

Now, if I had seriously wanted to learn a new language, I probably would have been better off choosing a Romance language considering I’m fluent in French but lack of sleep always trumps logic so I was going to channel my inner Viking and tackle this challenge. I started in the basics category. Luckily for me, the first exercise was listening to the Duolingo misses say something in Norwegian and then I had to write it down.

I listened to her say it once. Then I listened to it in slow motion. Then in real time again followed by another attempt in slow motion. I finally realized that, considering I don’t know any Norwegian and had never ever heard or seen these words before, my chances of actually getting it right were slim to none. So I skipped the question.

The more I thought about it, I realized: this is probably how all my friends feel when I talk about my medical shenanigans! To someone living in Norway, Norwegian surely makes a lot of sense to them. When it comes to feeding tubes and all that jazz, I might as well be living in Norway and, my friends, in Canada, so I can’t really expect them to have any clue what I’m talking about.

I’ve decided that I need to be better at translating from my metaphorical Norwegian (the medical jabber) to plain ol English if I want people who aren’t professional patients to understand what’s going on in my life. Speaking to someone in a language they don’t know is never going to be productive. Sometimes, I just need to take off my Viking helmet and instead be a hockey loving, beer drinking, maple syrup enjoying, igloo living, Canadian.

Takk for lesser og god dag!

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The birth of my Viking passion, circa 2007

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